Chris Nieratko (writer),
Pier Nicola D'Amico (photographer)
Has Kat Von D ever tattooed you naked?
No. She's given me, like, 20 tattoos already. Every time I see her, she does, like, two of them. Even if I only see her for a day or two, I'll have two massive tattoos from her. She always makes time. That's what's so rad. She brings her tattoo gun everywhere she goes. If we're at the airport or something, she'll just hook it up and give me a tattoo. I devoted the lower half of my body to goofy-ass tattoos. I have Don Vito on my left leg, and it says "Glitter Gulch," which is his favorite strip club in Vegas. And then I have a grizzly bear fucking a kitty cat, and it says "Fuck Jeff." It's for Jeff Tremaine, from Jackass, because he made me do the trampoline next to the bulls in the opening of Jackass 2, and I was like, "I so badly don't want to do this." I like to do stunts that I'm in control of, and I can't control a hoof landing on my head. He said, "You have to do it anyway." I'm like, all right, I'm getting "Fuck Jeff" on my leg. Then I have my grandpop on my left leg. He's holding a gun with a bandage on his head that says "If you get another F, I'm gonna F U." That's in the new movie Minghags. He has a son in the movie that keeps failing out of school, and he's so fed up with it. Minghags and Where The Fuck Is Santa? will probably come out the same time from Warner Bros., around November 1. Now we're doing another movie. I'm going to Italy to find my real ancestors in Ischia Island. I'm flying out all of my friends, and I'll fly out Ape and Phil, Missy, my Aunt Boof, and maybe a few of my scumbag uncles who've been in and out of jail and have never been out of Pennsylvania in their lives.
What happened with the case against your Uncle Vito?
He flew in to Colorado, and they had four hours to kill. So, the dude who rigged the autograph signing took Vito to a strip club, like an idiot, and then got him shitbag wasted, and then, when he was signing autographs, he tapped some girl's boob that was underage. It was literally nothing, and it got blown out of proportion so bad. Even the girl that it happened to thought it was funny. She's like, "I think it's ridiculous, but my mom wants to make it way bigger than it is." They literally wiped Vito out, any dollar that he ever made from Viva La Bam. All he has now is this shitty '98 Ford Ranger. That's all he has. He appealed, and I guess that happens in four months, but it's just so lame he's not allowed to be Don Vito anymore. He can't be on film anymore, and he has to be in at nine every night, and he can't drink ever again.
There were reports that you were involved in a sex tape with the fiancée of Opie from the Opie and Anthony radio show. What's the real story?
Everybody was saying that somebody had a videotape and they were going to put it out. [Opie] said, "I'll pay $100,000 to see this tape if it's really out there." I called them up, and I said, "If it's true, I'll pay $100,000 to see it, too." I don't know what she looks like, and it depends where she's from. If she's from Philly, I probably humped four girls from Philly that I don't remember their names and then, in New York, probably six. I was usually wasted when I'd meet a girl and not remember their name and then go hump them. If I did, I certainly wouldn't let somebody else videotape it. If anything, I'd videotape it with my camera phone or something. Even if I was blacked out, I would definitely notice if there was cameraman filming me hump. I think the guy just wanted Opie to feel stupid or something because he was getting pissed about it.
How about home movies?
Do you and your wife make a lot of sex tapes? Yeah, I got probably about seven tapes. Not that many. I should probably have more. I take a lot of photos, though.
When you're dead broke, are you going to sell those tapes like Screech did just to pay rent?
No, I wouldn't sell them. The photos, if it's artsy-looking, then maybe. I took a lot of good ones that are tastefully nude. Not slutty nude.
But didn't you include a hidden section in one of the CKY videos that unlocked one of your homemade porns?
Yeah, just because you couldn't really see me. I set the camera on the counter, and it aimed perfectly at the bed. Then I put some cool looking filter on it to make it look oversaturated and put a techno beat to it. It only lasted for 10 or 15 seconds. It was only on the first 4,000 copies of CKY 4. If you hit enter at the right time, then an Easter egg will pop up and you'll see it for 15 seconds.
Is there any videotape footage of you and Jessica Simpson?
Are you still sticking to the story that nothing happened between you and her?
Yeah, I'll just leave it at that. I got into too much trouble as it is with that. As soon as the articles in the tabloids came out, my ex-girlfriend didn't even call me to find out if it was true or not. She just wrecked $30,000 worth of shit. She wrecked all my computers, my editing system, and then threw paint all over my old tapes and stuff. She broke all this shit. I was in L.A., flying to Brazil, and they told me what she did. I was like, "Get her out of the house, put a restraining order on her, and fix everything up when I get back." So I never really got to see what happened, but Roger Bagley took some photos, and if I ever want to look at it, I will. I just don't feel like seeing that shit.
Jessica's sister Ashlee has turned into a little piece of ass since she bought that new nose.
I know. That nose was haggard before, but now she looks pretty hot. I never really met her. I just saw her at some club in Miami, and she walked past like she was the coolest thing in the world. I thought, "I definitely don't want to talk to her."
What's the latest update on Steve-O?
Last I heard, he's over a hundred days sober, but I heard this two weeks ago, so you never know. I remember last time he was sober, I flew into L.A. I'm like, "So, Steve-O, you still doing good? How many days are you up to sober?" and he said, "No. I'm back on everything now. Let's go party."