Q & A With Evan Seinfeld
Evan Seinfeld is hard at work. Rock star, porn star, reality TV star, emcee—he’s doing it all. Once married to porn megastar Tera Patrick, he is now dating Lupe Fuentes, the hottest new name in adult films. While the heavily inked singer and bassist first made his name fronting the socially conscious Brooklyn band Biohazard—which merged metal, hardcore, and early rap into its sonic assaults—Seinfeld has also reinvented himself as an X-rated star and nightclub impresario, recently hosting The Biggest Tattoo Show on Earth convention and parties at the King Ink Lounge at the Mirage Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. He’s been tattooed by major names like Paul Booth, Mike Perfetto, and Fernie Andrade, among many others. He says his look—plus some people he knew from the neighborhood in Canarsie—led him to once be detained at JFK Airport for 12 hours, being grilled about possible mob connections. He pointed out that as a Jew, the only way he’d be involved with the mob these days was if he were a lawyer.
Career-wise, he’s also got four reality shows in development, along with a Grindhouse-meets-Russ-Meyer parody starring tiny Lupe as action heroine Super Poosey. He does video game voice-overs for Rock Star Games (including Grand Theft Auto), is recording a new Biohazard album with their classic lineup, is working with a new classic rock–style band called The Spyderz, and wants to create a major event combining a car show, chopper show, and porn stars. Seriously, the man doesn’t even seem to sleep; when INKED chatted with him over three separate nights, it was always around 2 a.m.INKED: How did a nice Jewish boy from a rough neighborhood in Brooklyn end up becoming a cock star?
Evan Seinfeld: Let’s talk about the old neighborhood first. Between the gentrification of the generational New Yorkers—third-generation Jews, Italian, and Irish—all moving to Long Island, New Jersey, and upstate, I don’t really know the people in New York anymore. When I come home I feel like an alien. It’s a bunch of people from other countries—who are welcome in America as far as I’m concerned because that’s what America is, people from other places. And it’s a bunch of people from the middle of America going, “This is awesome! Brooklyn represent! I love Williamsburg! We went walking around today.” Everybody talks like they’re black even if they’re white; it’s just weird to me. I feel like I don’t belong.
And in porn?
I’ve always been a hypersexual pervert. Long before I knew anything about porn, when the band had their first video camera I was notoriously using it for wrongdoing. There’s always something that turned me on mentally and sexually about having sex with a girl I don’t know and wanting to film it. But I never really thought about pursuing a career in it and, to be honest with you, when I met my ex-wife her life was a fucking mess. I’m like a fixer, I’m a guy who sees a problem and fixes it. I woke up one morning, and there I am in the Valley shooting porn. I loved it. Long after I fell out of love with my ex-wife, I found that I loved the business and the industry and loved the freedom. I love the fact that I run into people almost every day—even people in my own subculture, even a lot of my friends who are in hardcore bands, who are tattoo artists or bikers, people I know in renegade punk bands or who are gangsters—that are totally shook to their core by the fact that I do porn. I love the outlaw nature of porn, and the shock value makes it like the new punk. There’s nothing so crazy about playing hardcore metal anymore. There are a billion bands. So what could I do that’s over the edge?
You were married to a porn star, and now you’re dating a porn star—for a lot of guys that’s a big fantasy. But then the flip side of that is thinking about how many other people your significant other has had sex with.
Here’s what I’ll say about being in the porn business. In Brooklyn, I grew up fist fighting with people over things like their girlfriends. As you grow up and mature, you learn some things. First of all, you learn nobody can steal your husband or your wife or girlfriend or boyfriend. People make up their own minds. People make their own decisions. If your girlfriend fucks some other dude, you ain’t got no problem with the other dude, unless he’s your friend. If your girlfriend fucks some other dude, your problem is with your girlfriend. It’s what she wanted to do, for whatever reason. What I’ve learned is that sex is sex. It’s not love, it’s sex. I’ve tried to figure it out and I think I’ve had sex with 6,000 girls.
We won’t even try to do the math. How can you have sex with that many women and not have your dick fall off?
I’m not going to say I’ve never had a shot in the ass.
Well then, on the flip side, does Lupe ever get jealous?
I’m desperately, madly in love with Lupe, and when I have sex with another girl it doesn’t mean anything to me mentally or emotionally. It’s just fun and satisfying in a male conquest, sexual kind of way. She humors me and puts up with my behavior; she’s confident, and that’s the biggest turn-on in the world. We have sex with girls together. Lupe likes women as much as I do—maybe even more. We’re always on the prowl, and it’s really sexually empowering. And then we’re back to our normal life.
How is normal life?
We’ll be walking through Walgreens and women my age or in their 30s will look at me and smile. Then Lupe comes around the corner, and they assume it’s my daughter. Then we start making out, because we make out everywhere, and the look on their faces is of horror because our society is kind of crazy.
Why do you think that is?
Women are taught that if they’re not married by the time they’re 30, they’re broken and that something is wrong with them, and that’s not true. Women are beautiful at all ages. Women are beautiful in every phase of their life, and to me there is something beautiful about every woman.
Could you tell us about the crazy number of projects that you and Lupe are working on?
She’s starting a clothing line for sexy, petite girls. If you’re 5´2? or under, or 100 pounds and under, I’ll bet you have a hard time finding clothes and shoes. The ideal is to be thin and healthy, but there are plus-size stores and big and tall men’s shops and nothing for really small girls—especially small, sexy girls. They usually buy kids’ clothes, but they’re not sexy. So out of her need, she started that.
We have a ton of adult properties. I have a porn site, rockstarpornstar.com, where you can see me having sex explicitly and unabashedly. Lupe probably has the single hottest website on the Internet for any one porn star, ilovelupe.com. She’s on Howard Stern—they hit it off, and they think she’s so funny. She really is funny, and it’s amazing that they got it. We’ve gotten a lot of mainstream traction with her. She writes a column for complex.com. We just launched something together called PornstarCamHouse: We shoot porn in our house and stream it live two or three days a week, all day long.
And you’re doing TV too?
We’ve got four mainstream TV shows in development, and probably the most interesting one is called I Love Lupe. It’s really about our life, and people will probably find it interesting because she’s so hot and so sweet, and I’m halfway between being this romantic, sweet guy and this abrasive New York asshole living in L.A. The backdrop of the show is the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle—the motorcycles, fast cars, the jet-set lifestyle, being on tour with Biohazard, being on tour and in the studio with The Spyderz, backstage at the strip clubs where Lupe feature dances. We go around the world together, and the show is about a love story about two people who are deep into the porn and rock worlds with an entrepreneurial spirit. Our deal is that we put our relationship first, love comes first. We could make twice the money if I went on tour in South America and she went on a strip club tour of the U.S. at the same time.
How does the new Biohazard album sound?
The snare drum sounds like a fucking .45 automatic in a cement room. It sounds so nasty and abrasive. The album is very metallic. It’s all tuned down to C and is heavy, heavy. I’ve always wanted to make an album with a big metal sound. We always got caught up—not me personally, but the other guys—in doing that hardcore thing. And hardcore sounds like shit on purpose. The new Biohazard album is so fucking heavy and so good. It’s so singalong-able and brutal at the same time. But I don’t think it’s going to get a fair shake. My producer and my manager think if the album was released under a different name, like a brand-new band name, it would probably have 10 times the commercial success. The real fans are going to love it.
What are The Spyderz like?
People say it reminds them of early Guns N’ Roses or early albums from The Cult. It’s got moments that are like AC/DC or early STP. It’s just straight-ahead rock. The main inspiration for it was the Rolling Stones. Maybe it doesn’t sound like the Rolling Stones, but the initial [place it] comes from is the Stones, the Black Crowes, and some heavier bands. I hear the harmonies from Bad Religion in the background vocals, and I hear the woah woah woahs from The Misfits in the background. Most of the songs are two and a half to three minutes and straight to the point. When I started Biohazard, it embodied my lifestyle, which at the time was doing dumb, gangster-esque, drug-addict, Brooklyn behavior. It was true hardcore, and here I am 25 years later living in a big house with my cars and living a different kind of life. I have sex with hundreds of beautiful girls. A normal night at my house is me, Lupe, and three or four girls in the Jacuzzi. My friends will see me put something on Twitter about being in the hot tub with Lupe and mention other girls, and everyone’s like, “Gee, thanks for calling me.” Why would I call you? I don’t need other dicks here. This is my life, this is my party, go create your own.
You’re a rock star, porn star, and biker with tattoos, yet it seems like you lead a pretty Straight-edge lifestyle.
I do. I had a lot of problems with drugs and alcohol as a kid. I started really young. I got deep into it, I never slammed anything, but I swallowed and smoked and snorted everything I could get my hands on. And I was often experimenting: “If we took some angel dust and some mescaline and put it in a bong with some coke and some weed and then we smoked it, we could take the residue and swallow it.” I was into some dumb shit. I had a cocaine overdose on Memorial Day, May 31, 1988. I was a kid. I woke up in the hospital, and I didn’t know what happened and didn’t know where I was. They said I was very lucky to be alive, and I was basically scared straight. The hardest part was not stopping getting high, but it was hard for me to learn how to live. When I first stopped drinking and stopped doing drugs, I felt very socially awkward going out. How could I have fun? How could I get loose? Pretty quickly I figured out that I was an uninhibited person who was going to let it hang out anyway. I went too far in some ways.
What kind of ink do you like?
I’m a fan of all kinds of tattooing. I love black-and-gray portraiture, tribal tattooing, and traditional tattooing. I’ve always loved those East L.A. penitentiary-looking, fine-line tattoos.
The guy who won the most awards in the [Biggest Tattoo Show on Earth] convention was from a shop called Ink Slingers in Alhambra, California—a guy named Fernie Andrade, and he’s been tattooing me. We kind of go in phases. When I was a teenager I couldn’t wait to be covered in tattoos. Growing up in New York, tattooing was illegal. You had to go out to Long Island to get a tattoo, and it wasn’t legal in the boroughs until ’96 or ’97. I was already covered in tattoos by then, but [Fernie’s] artwork was so inspired that I started getting tattooed again. I just got a big portrait of Lupe on my ribs.
Which spots could possibly be left?
You know what sucks when you get really tattooed? All that’s left are the spots that really fucking hurt. Tattooing hurts, period. Anybody who says tattooing doesn’t hurt is fucking lying. They’re trying to act tougher than a normal human, but as you get older it hurts more, too. All I have left are the really, really painful spots—where your lymph nodes are, your rib cage, the top of your feet—places where all the nerve endings are. About a year ago I tattooed my whole throat, and that shit hurt. I got a Jolly Roger [tattoo] because I kind of fancy myself as an urban land pirate, like “the pirate’s life for me” kind of thing. I see what I want and take it. I do whatever I’ve got to do to get my booty.