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DYSLEXIC SPEEDREADERS

What does it take to be a flash in the pan? Apparently, a combo of the right drugs, locker room references to genitals, and blatant pride about things that common sense would tell you to keep quiet. And Paris Hilton never hurts. Right now, I’m on the phone with Dirt Nasty and Andre Legacy, two thirds of the Los Angeles-based, white shock rappers Dyslexic Speedreaders, which also includes Mickey Avalon. The two are frenetically discussing their fifteen minutes, transsexuals, and of course, groupies. “We appeal to a different crowd. They’re crazy, affluent suburban kids who are usually skaters, punk rockers, and surfers. They’re not your typical rap crowd,” says Nasty. ...

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TARA MCPHERSON

Sitting down with artist Tara McPherson you’re likely to get a lesson in physics these days: “When you take a super bright object, like a quasar, and place it in front of a massive object, it creates the illusion of four identical objects surrounding the original. That’s called Einstein’s Cross gravitational lens.” To hear this pouring so fluidly out of the mouth of an artist who is known more for gothic characters and insanely beautiful rock show posters than for having a keen acumen for science is surprising. McPherson, a California native who transplanted to New York three years ago, speaks of this as she sits in her storefront studio ...

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SIRI GARBER

Siri Garber, founder of Platform Public Relations in Los Angeles, has a groovy voice—a raspy, powerful one that probably makes some of her male clients think about pleasure, rather than business, when she picks up the phone. But this celebrity publicist’s throaty purr isn’t a result of barking orders. “I think some of us [in the public relations industry] are seen as pushy, bitchy bulldogs, that’s not me. I don’t believe in raising voices or screaming,” says Garber. Her approach for dealing with stars? “I don’t overstep my boundaries, but I’m there if they need me, like when someone starts asking inappropriate questions.” Even when faced with an ugly, public ...

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CHRIS SANTOS

By 3 p.m. on Saturday afternoon in Stanton Social’s kitchen on New York City’s Lower East Side, there’s a muted roar of polyglot jabber punctuated with the staccato clang of pots and pans. The restaurant’s team of chefs and line cooks are readying themselves for the onslaught ahead: 3,000 plates will be passed through the service window before quitting time. Executive chef Chris Santos is at the helm of this focused frenzy. He knows it’s a work day foreign to nine-to-fivers; for cooks, late afternoon is mid-morning. It’s an alternative lifestyle, and Santos cultivates an atmosphere of convivial profanity, serious work ethic, and after-hours debauchery among his staff. “These guys ...

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KAT VON D

You read about Kat and the other artists of L.A. Ink in our Winter issue. Now read Chris Nieratko’s full, unedited, absurd interview with Kat here.

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DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN

Some say the best writing descends from despair, longing, elation, love; the same old drill. But, as Liam Wilson, bassist of Dillinger Escape Plan, will tell you, the only reason to write an album is out of revenge—sweet, sweet revenge. “If someone were to show me a crystal ball years ago and say we would make our best album without our drummer, I would never have believed them,” Wilson discloses auspiciously over a pint of local brew at the pub. It all started when Dillinger’s long-time drummer announced he would be quitting the band merely a month before recording was to start. Quitting, that is, to join another more famous, ...

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NIKKI SIXX

More than six years sober, former Mötley Crüe bassist Nikki Sixx has long emerged from rock-star rock bottom. Still working the over-processed, jet-black hair, complete with black-on-black threads and requisite metal rocker accoutrement, he looks young and refreshed, unlike most of his over-50-and haggard contemporaries. He’s in control. In fact, his most recent tattoo barks directions to the dude at the morgue who will take over when he finally kicks the bucket: “Tag Here” is etched on his toe. But if Sixx can help it, he’s not kicking the bucket anytime soon. Though he is one lucky fuck, having escaped death by overdose twice. Sixx didn’t totally piss away his ...

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THRASHER FUNDS

Get out your friggin’ checkbook, because these guys are ready to take it and put it to good use. And when you’re 60 or something, you’re going to have a pile of cash to spend on stuff that the elderly need, like Viagra. But seriously, Thrasher Funds, which manages a mutual fund and a privately held, pooled investment vehicle is looking at you, or should we say your money, as a yet untapped resource for investment. This is because you’re young, have more money than previous generations your age, and don’t have the slightest clue what to do with it. Don’t know what a stock is? They’ll explain everything you ...

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