It’s Playtime Kidees!

When I was a kid the worst thing you could have gotten me for Christmas or my birthday were clothes. Who the hell in their right mind would by a kid a pair of pants instead of a toy? Only a blithering idiot or your grandmother…let’s hope they aren’t one-in-the-same. Well, after looking as this contingent of craziness, I’m not too sure who is more out of their minds, the pants-purchasing-paternal-poopaa or the creators these absolutely bizarre Japanese “toys”? I did put toys in quotes, because after you take a gander at these items, we’re sure you’ll be scratching your heads, just they way we were.

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Road Kill Cat

I don’t know what is more disturbing. The idea that someone thought this was a proper toy to develop. The guts hanging out of the cat’s stomach. Or the kid smiling on the top right-hand corner pf the packaging? You know what, they’re all equally disturbing!

I don’t know what is more disturbing. The idea that someone thought this was a proper toy to develop. The guts hanging out of the cat’s stomach. Or the kid smiling on the top right-hand corner pf the packaging? You know what, they’re all equally disturbing!

Kaba Kick

This is straight up Russian Roulette for kids. Okay, in this case, Japanese Roulette. Players point the gun at his or her own head and pull the trigger. The possibility of a bullet flying out is not there, but if a pair of feet kick out from the barrel (which is shaped like a pink hippo, then you lose. You, actually lost when you were dealt parents who would give you this as a present.

This is straight up Russian Roulette for kids. Okay, in this case, Japanese Roulette. Players point the gun at his or her own head and pull the trigger. The possibility of a bullet flying out is not there, but if a pair of feet kick out from the barrel (which is shaped like a pink hippo, then you lose. You, actually lost when you were dealt parents who would give you this as a present.

Opening Envelope Sounding Keychain

What!!!??? Well, that’s what it is! A gadget/keychain that not only hold your keys but allows you to experience the joyous sound of opening an envelope without the risk of getting a paper cut. Where has this product been all our lives?

What!!!??? Well, that’s what it is! A gadget/keychain that not only hold your keys but allows you to experience the joyous sound of opening an envelope without the risk of getting a paper cut. Where has this product been all our lives?

Inflatable Swan

Originally a toy marketed for kids, but it appears to have been hijacked by old creeps! Tape it to your crotch, give it a squeeze and now you are a certified freak.

Originally a toy marketed for kids, but it appears to have been hijacked by old creeps! Tape it to your crotch, give it a squeeze and now you are a certified freak.

Instant Boobs

Here’s how little girls can be big girls overnight. And by the looks of the illustration on the box, little boys can become big girls overnight too!

Here’s how little girls can be big girls overnight. And by the looks of the illustration on the box, little boys can become big girls overnight too!

Crying Baby

In Japan, the TV ad has a cheerful voice announcing: “Arm puncturing action! Cries real tears!’ is this a way to get your child to learn at an early age the “joys” of inflicting physical pain on others?

In Japan, the TV ad has a cheerful voice announcing: “Arm puncturing action! Cries real tears!’ is this a way to get your child to learn at an early age the “joys” of inflicting physical pain on others?

Baby in a Microwave

This is a concept for a toy? On what planet? Apparently in Japan having a doll that comes apart under the pretext that he exploded in a microwave is the premise for a toy! Wow!

This is a concept for a toy? On what planet? Apparently in Japan having a doll that comes apart under the pretext that he exploded in a microwave is the premise for a toy! Wow!

Shave the Baby

Everything about this “toy” is bizarre. Why would anyone want to shave a baby? Why would anyone want their child to shave a baby as a form of playtime? Why would a baby have so much hair in the first place? And why did they choose for the bay to have ginger colored hair?

Everything about this “toy” is bizarre. Why would anyone want to shave a baby? Why would anyone want their child to shave a baby as a form of playtime? Why would a baby have so much hair in the first place? And why did they choose for the bay to have ginger colored hair?

Hiding Peach Bottom Kobitos,

We have idea wtf this thing is, but Redditor nerdlygames bought one and gave us some background. This character is Hiding Peach Bottom Kobitos, who lives in peach orchards and sucks the sugar out of ripe peaches. Kobitos (previously at Neatorama) are kind of like fairies, in that they inhabit the natural world, but are unseen as they go about their daily business. But of course, you can buy a doll representing them. Healing Green Wing Kobitos flies around the woods, spreading a pleasant fragrance come its wings. House Princess Kobitos lives in houses, plays with mosquitos, and may hide your possessions. Red Mushroom Kobitos lives in the woods, have gentle dispositions, and are tasty in a stew, once you remove the poisonous parts. There are plenty of others to select from.

We have idea wtf this thing is, but Redditor nerdlygames bought one and gave us some background. This character is Hiding Peach Bottom Kobitos, who lives in peach orchards and sucks the sugar out of ripe peaches. Kobitos (previously at Neatorama) are kind of like fairies, in that they inhabit the natural world, but are unseen as they go about their daily business. But of course, you can buy a doll representing them.
Healing Green Wing Kobitos flies around the woods, spreading a pleasant fragrance come its wings. House Princess Kobitos lives in houses, plays with mosquitos, and may hide your possessions. Red Mushroom Kobitos lives in the woods, have gentle dispositions, and are tasty in a stew, once you remove the poisonous parts. There are plenty of others to select from.