It’s a tale that’s old as time. A little girl is raised on Disney films but when she grows up and leaves the comfort of Neverland she finds out that there is no Prince Charming, nor do we even live in a feudal society that allows for royal titles, painting with all the colors of the wind is only possible while on psychedelics and you can’t take two dogs into an alley and try to get them to share a strand of spaghetti—canines are notoriously terrible at sharing.
Jenni “JWoww” Farley is one of those girls.
“I wanted a knight in shining armor on a white horse riding into the sunset,” she says. “Once I realized that wasn’t going to happen, I was screwed up for a little bit. As you grow up you realize that relationships are hard work and that nobody’s life is going to be a Disney movie. Even though Roger Mathews is the love of my life and the one for me, I learned there are no fairy tales. Every day isn’t ‘Once upon a time.’ You have to put in work and compromise with the one you decide to be with.”
That was the impetus for her Disney sleeve. Former Ink Master contestant Sarah Miller started to tattoo JWoww in the Inked offices, worked on it in our booth during the Empire State Tattoo Convention, and then finished it at her house in New Jersey. The tattoo is a series of iconic Disney couples, and like with most couples, they look happy from afar but when you get a good look at them something is amiss. “It is sort of like ‘Happily never after,’” says JWoww. “I took my four favorite Disney love stories and flipped them so they are more rooted in reality. So with Ariel and Eric, Eric is looking away like he wants nothing to do with her and Ariel is looking at him with desperate puppy-eyes. For Beauty and the Beast, he is a real beast. Sleeping Beauty overdosed and is dead. Her prince is crying over her because he knows that he pushed her to that limit. And Cinderella’s prince is beating her. To me, that is the reality of relationships, they are crazy and take hard work—not that happily ever after bullshit.”
When asked which Disney character her husband Roger would be, she answers: “I always say the Beast, even though he saved me, I saved him. We have a very Beauty/Beast mentality.”
And for Snooki: “She’d be Sleeping Beauty only because her true form only came out once she met Jionni. She flourished into such an amazing woman after she met her husband and had kids so it kind of makes me proud. Sleeping Beauty was her new chapter, when she woke up.”
Though she put her own spin on classic tropes, JWoww is quick to say that she is a “huge, huge fan of Disney.” When she first moved to New York City her goal was to learn animation and work for the Mouse, but then she was offered a spot on Jersey Shore and her life went in a different direction — the animated character on screen was JWoww. Seven years after America got to stroll the Seaside Boardwalk from the comfort of not having to actually go to the Seaside Boardwalk, JWoww is ready to premiere the second season of her and her best friend’s show JWoww and Snooki: Moms With Attitude. She has her own app, a tanning line with Australian Gold (including a tattoo protector) and just launched her makeup line JWoww Cosmetics.
“At the beginning of Jersey Shore I didn’t know how to do makeup for shit,” JWoww says. “I looked God-awful. The Jersey-over-tanned-super-thin-line-eyebrow look was just not working for anyone, including myself. So as years went on I really started to learn and appreciate makeup from great makeup artists and I became good at it. I noticed with a lot of bronzers and eye palettes that you can spend a ton of money on but not get quality. I had the privilege to meet up with a company that made me a phenomenal lip line that is not sticky and is rich in pigment. Like with my tanning line, I want to bring customers wonderful products within reason of the everyday working-person’s budget. You can get three products for $30 and hopefully from there we move onto eyes and bronzers and take it to a whole other level.” JWoww’s customer is like her: she is finding herself and realizing that the Disney fairy tale isn’t coming to life. While there is no glass slipper, there is a magical red lip color that’s smart enough for the ball/club, the office or when you have to “make the fire, fix-a breakfast, wash the dishes, do the mopping…”
“Back when I was on Jersey Shore I was young and dumb and living it up with no responsibilities,” JWoww says. “But I have no regrets. The phenomenal experiences I had in my early 20s allowed me to grow into this human being that I am now. Your motivations change when you get older, I can’t party like I used to and I don’t even try anymore. Because I am up every day at 6:30-7 o’clock, I’m in bed by 9 every night. I truly value that I am a kickass mom, wife and businesswoman while I am also a hot, sexy Millennial mom who is on the cover of Inked.”
Although she now turns into a pumpkin before Jersey Shore’s old time slot, JWoww is damn right, she’s looking better than ever. She shot these photos a scant three months after giving birth to her son. “It wasn’t easy to shed the baby weight, but I had a great nutritional company behind me,” JWoww says. “I told the owner of 310 Nutrition that I don’t want to be ‘frumpy mom’ anymore—I want to feel sexy. He gave me a plan—and I think that most people lack a plan—and I lost 40 pounds in three months. I’m actually five pounds lighter than I was before I became pregnant with my daughter [three years ago].”
Her daughter Meilani is a Disney fan-in-the-making. JWoww won’t let Meilani get too delusional about fairy tale vs. reality, but she wants her to enjoy the stories, animation and overall magic for now. Meilani’s room is decorated with paintings of Alice in Wonderland, Bambi and Beauty and the Beast. While the little girl has yet to visit the Happiest Place on Earth, she has recently made the connection between Mommy’s tattoos and the movies.
“Roger makes fun of me all the time saying that I want to bring our daughter to Disney World so I can go, and that’s true,” JWoww says. “I am wildly obsessed, I love the rides and I want to run around.”
It’s all in the Farley family. When JWoww was growing up, her father took her to the Magic Kingdom every other year until she turned 20. One such trip was quite memorable… “I actually got a tattoo when I was 15 at a house party and I have no fucking idea how I didn’t catch hepatitis,” JWoww says. “I got the tattoo in the winter, and fast forward six months later, I am at Disney with my father at the pool. Once you have a tattoo for a little while you tend to forget that you have it because it’s now part of your body. I was in shorts and flip-flops and my dad turned to me and said, ‘What the fuck is that on your ankle?’ I was like holy shit, whoops, ahh, it’s a tattoo. When we got back he made start getting it lasered off. It was the worst pain I ever felt and then he felt bad about it so he told me to wait until I turned 18 to get a proper cover-up. I did and I got a flower with my grandfather’s name, we called him ‘Opa,’ over it.”
King Triton could take a parenting tip from Papa Farley.