Our new resident Sex Columnist Jessica Wilde (@jessicawildemfc) is here to answer your burning sex questions—though if it burns consult an actual doctor right now. She’s not a doctor, but she once role-played as a nurse so she’s beyond qualified. Send your questions to email@example.com.
I’m a recently divorced single father of two and I’m entering the single world again at the age of 31, can you give me some advice? —nobodyspecial84 Welcome back! Being out of the playing field for a while shouldn’t shake your confidence. There’s a vast land of attractive women to go on awkward dates with. It will be fun, I promise.
How can I bring intimacy back into my marriage? —rose_deveraux
Intimacy is more about trust and honesty than it is the act of having sex. If you and your partner are open about what turns you on you’re more likely to have a thriving sex life, even if it’s weird.
Does penis size matter? —garthcassidy1976
Yes and no. Enthusiasm goes a long way but if you feel your manhood isn’t reaching lengths there’s always girls with small vaginas.
How do I convince my girl to share another girl with me? —d_so1
If your girl doesn’t feel comfortable bringing someone else into the bedroom I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do to convince her otherwise. You could always approach her with a “hands off” rule and see how she feels about playing in front of you.
How can I tell my girlfriend in a nice way not to be so loud in bed? I really love it, but I don’t like the knowing stares I get from our neighbors in the elevator almost every morning. —Jeff
Hold your head high, Jeff. Those prying eyes of judgment are actually a silent applause.
I’d really like to try out new things with my girlfriend. One of my biggest fantasies is to cover her in honey from head to toe and lick her clean. I’m not sure how I can ask her this but do you think it’d be a good idea to start with covering her vag and boobies with honey and show her how much fun it could be for her too? —Thomas
Be honest! If that’s what you’re into then I’m sure your girl will be more than willing to indulge in your fantasy. If you’re not down with that, try telling her it’s good for her skin and you like the smell. Spa nights will become more interesting.
My boyfriend told me he would like to watch me masturbate. I fear I can’t relax knowing he is watching me! How do you relax when you do it on MFC? —Alexandra
I try to imagine a field of flowers. Hundreds of horny flowers. Then I just lay back and let it go! Try making him a sexy video to watch before doing it in person. It will take the edge off him seeing you live for the first time.
Is body hair really a major turn-off for most girls? —T
Everyone has different taste. If you like your landscape then keep it. I personally think it’s sexy to have chest hair, etc. It’s very masculine.
Why do you think so many people are cheating these days? Example: Ashley Madison scandal. —samboskene
Everything is too easily accessible. You don’t have to go down to a dirty bar to have an affair these days, you can do it from your smartphone. It’s a bit disheartening but there are still a few people out there that are honest lovers... right?
What do you suggest to someone who’s only had bad relationships to get over it? —donguitarguru
Hop back on that wagon my friend! You won’t find love by giving up and marrying your Xbox.
My friend asks me to try anal with him, but I’m a bit scared, do you have any advice so that it’ll be a pleasant experience for us? –Sanne Lube.
How can I convince my boyfriend to allow me to stick a finger up his bum while we’re having sex? —Amber
Definitely do not surprise your man with a finger in the bum! If you don’t have trust issues, then you will after that. Ask your man if it’s OK. Most likely your guy will try anything to turn your crank, he just probably won’t tell his friends about it.
How can I get my husband to choose me over masturbation? -Chelsea
Most of the time a man will more than likely opt for sex over having a quick pull, but sometimes he just needs a release! Sex can be tiresome and messy, don’t take it personally.
Is there a way to make my husband last longer in bed? -Jennifer
Don’t be so hot, duh. Some guys get a little too excited, like when puppies piddle on the floor when their owners get home. Take things slow and grab some desensitizing man lube from the drug store.
I’ve been friends with a girl for a long time now and I’ve always wanted something more with her. How do I get out of the friend zone? -Thomas
The hardest part about having a friend that I’ve zoned “undatable” is that I can’t imagine what it would be like otherwise. Women are hardwired emotionally to their vaginas. If you can break down her sexual walls even once she will more than likely start to have some sort of emotional attachment to you. Good luck!
Why are guys so fascinated with anal sex? -Sarah
Men have a fascination with sticking things where they don’t belong.
Help! I need some first date ideas/tips. Is there still a “three date rule?” -Adam
If there’s a “three date rule” with her (at least), then she’s a keeper. Let her take the lead on that one. As for first date ideas, you can’t go wrong with dinner and drinks. Women love food. OK, I love food.
My new girlfriend has her ex’s name tattooed on her wrist. Should I tell her I hate to see his name every day? I want her to remove it. -Johnny
Tisk. Names are a big no-no and clearly the fact he’s an ex proves the superstition. I’m sure she doesn’t like seeing his name there either! Try mentioning a cover-up idea, she will likely be flattered it bothers you.