Happy Opening Day! Finally! It's so strange to have a baseball season starting in mid-July, but then again, everything is unusual these days. Normally this time of year we'd be starting to put together the playoff picture, not watching teams play for the very first time.
This season is going to be undoubtedly very strange without fans in the seats, the universal DH, players opting out of the season and roughly everybody making the playoffs. But we're still beyond excited to be able to see real sports being played. So much so that we're doing a two-part special of baseball tattoos. We're starting with the American League today. Why the American League, you ask? Because it's clearly the superior league. And, even more importantly, it comes ahead of the National League in alphabetical order. Play ball!
The Orioles may end up being pretty crappy this season (they're the odds-on favorite to be the worst team in the league), but they're in first place in this article. Plus, nothing is better than a beer at the ballgame, so this Orioles/Natty Bo tattoo is perfect.
Boston Red Sox
Remember when the Red Sox decided to trade the best player in baseball not named after a fish to the Dodgers for a bag of balls? That was fun. The Red Sox will be better than the Orioles, but probably not much better. So let's remember the good times with this tattoo of Dustin Pedroia celebrating a World Series victory.
New York Yankees
Full disclosure: I hate the Yankees. I wanted to find the worst possible tattoo on Earth to put in here. And I did. It was a Yankee logo with barbed wire. It was the trashiest, shittiest tattoo on Earth. But then I saw this one, and it's actually good. So I did the right thing.
Tampa Bay Rays
Tropicana Field is the worst baseball stadium I've ever been to. I've been to the Kingdome, Candlestick Park and a weird little baseball diamond in Jersey City that always has broken glass in the dirt near home plate. All of these places are much more enjoyable places to watch a baseball game. the team's pretty good though.
The Wandering Blue Jays
On Thursday, the day before their season began, the Blue Jays did not know where they would be playing their homes games. Canada wasn't thrilled with them traveling back and forth to the US given our Covid situation, so now the Jays will be residing in Buffalo. We think. It hasn't been finalized yet, so things could change. Let's remember happier times with this tattoo of the Bat Flip Heard Round the World.
American League Central
Chicago White Sox
In the '80s the White Sox wore uniforms that looked like beach towels. Most people thought they were ugly, but I've always argued that they were beautiful. Look at that logo! It rules. Plus it's very easy to alter it a little, have the player swinging and missing, then change the lettering to "Sux." This was a very clever idea I had when I lived in Chicago, I'd print them up on shirts and sell them outside Wrigley Field to drunk Cubs fans. I could have been a parody shirt billionaire. But I never did it. Somebody else did. And now I work for Inked.
There are a lot of problematic things going on with this team. From the team name to the old logo. Why they haven't switched the name back to the Spiders is baffling. It's such a rad team name. Be the Spiders, dammit.
Old Tiger Stadium used to have a flagpole in the middle of center field. Not beyond the offense, in the middle of the playing field. It was one of many quirks that made me love that place, even though it was a dump by the time I saw it.
Kansas City Royals
When I was a little kid, I was completely enamored with the fountains in the outfield at Kaufman Stadium. While they weren't on the field like the aforementioned flag pole, I liked to imagine that a player could fall into them while catching a fly ball as it was going over the fence. A player would have had to jump roughly 40 feet above the wall to pull this off, but that didn't stop me from dreaming. Also, Bo Jackson fucking ruled.
Remember back in the 2000s when the Twins were very good and won the division every year, only to get never win a playoff series? That was weird. That being said, Johan Santana was amazing. And Kent Hrbek is one of the best baseball names ever. Plus, Bulbasaur is a fan.
American League West
A lot of people were very angry when they found out that the Houston Astros were stealing signs. I am not one of those people. I love a good sports controversy. I love when college teams buy their players tractors. Or when they videotape other teams on the sly. Cheat all you want, sports teams. And if you win it all, get a ridiculous tattoo of the mascot.
Los Angeles Angels
The Angels are the most forgettable team in the league. No one cares about them. The only reason people know them is because of that shitty Disney movie and the Rally Monkey. These are dumb reasons to know a baseball team. But they did have cool hats back in the day.
Are there better A's tattoos out there? Sure. But when you see a tattoo celebrating Chad Bradford's batshit crazy pitching motion you have to include it, right? I wonder how many kids have broken a finger trying to imitate this.
The Mariners are one of many teams who had a badass logo back in the seventies or eighties, only to get rid of it for something kinda lame. The trident M hats are amazing. The S is boring as hell. C'mon Mariners. It's also kind of crazy to imagine that this team had Alex Rodriguez, Edgar Martinez, Ken Griffey Jr. and Randy Johnson at the same time, yet they've never even been to a World Series.
Here is the second tattoo of Jose Bautista in this article. Didn't see that coming, did you? Well, Joey Bats didn't see this punch coming from Rougned Odor either. Booyakahsa! See you on Monday with the National League!