Tattoos are helpful for coping with tough times, including the incredible heartbreak of losing a child. However, one mother who wanted to honor the miscarried baby in ink, is faced with a dilemma. The lost baby is with her ex, and one expectant father took to the popular AITA (Am I the A**Hole) forum on Reddit, asking through a throwaway account if it is unreasonable for him to ask that his wife not include the child she lost with her previous partner in a tattoo honoring their children together.
"When talking about it the other day, she said she wants to do names+birthdates, but that she would put the name of the kid she previously miscarried and the date of the miscarriage above our child’s. The miscarriage happened six years ago before I met her with an ex," he wrote. "I’m not trying to be the guy whose upset because his wife had a life before him, but I feel weird about her putting the name her and her ex gave the miscarried child on the same level as our child, in a tattoo."
The poster continued, "I know she thinks of the miscarried child as as much her child as ours, but to me it’s different b[ecause] that child never lived, and our kid won’t ever meet that kid." He wrote that he was fine if his wife got a different tattoo to honor her lost child, but didn't think it should be part of the tattoo dedicated to 'their' children. He concluded his post writing, "I feel like it was OK for me ask her to reconsider. It just makes me uncomfortable and feel like she hasn’t moved on, which is all I told her. So AITA?"
Some feel the poster is not the asshole, writing: "Whilst I can empathize with the pain of the miscarriage, she's literally not honoring a person, she's honoring the miscarriage, which feels a bit weird. The difference between doing the tattoo for a baby that's actually been born and a miscarriage is exactly that, the birth."
While there were a lot of differing opinions, the general consensus was that the poster was, in fact, the asshole.
One commenter said, "Try to be more sensitive to what she is going through. She miscarried and is now having a child, that's going to bring up a lot of emotions." Another added, "You are focused on the ex for some reason, when the actual reason your wife wants this tattoo is to commemorate her lost child. It has nothing to do with the ex. Let her grieve in her own way."
What are your thoughts on who is in the right and who is in the wrong? Let us know in the comments section of the Facebook post.
For more on this, see why a California woman made her miscarriage tattoo viral.