WIth the start of the NFL season fast approaching, so much remains up in the air. Will they be able to finish the season? Should they even be playing in the first place? What will happen when a player gets COVID?
One thing that cannot be questioned is the passion of NFL fans. Fans tend to take their teams pretty seriously, often inking their allegiance into their skin. That of it self isn't too strange. But for some reason, NFL fans tend to get some very, very odd tattoos celebrating their teams. In this article you'll find a Pittsburgh Steelers garter belt tattoo, a Green Bay Packers/Sons of Anarchy tattoo and the greatest 49ers tattoo of all time. Plus 29 other wacky NFL tattoos. Buckle your chinstrap, things are about to get really weird.
Is this the best Buffalo Bills tattoo? No. Is it a perfect encapsulation of everything the team and their fans stand for? Damn right it is. Much like the Zubaz pants their loyal fans still proudly wear, the Bills peaked in the early '90s. 2020 has been a year of resurgence for comfy pants like Zubaz, so could it also be the year Buffalo returns to prominence? Only time will tell.
Not to be pedantic, but is anybody else annoyed that the Dolphin featured on the Dolphins helmets clearly doesn't play for the Dolphins? Or else he would be wearing the same helmet, thus creating an infinite loop. Does he play for Marshall? The humble writer of this article despises the Dolphins, but I still think it's a shame that the closest Dan Marino ever came to winning a Super Bowl was in Ace Ventura.
New England Patriots
There is so much going on here, I could probably write 10,000 words on this tattoo and still barely scratch the surface. It's hard to even tell if this is pro-Patriots or anti-Patriots. Given that Tom Brady is the GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) in this tattoo, one would assume that it's on a Patriots fan. But let's go a level deeper here, the Mystery Gang made their living unmasking evil perpetrators. And since Mr. Brady is a known cheat, well, it is the belief of this writer that this tattoo is likely on a Jets fan. Speaking of...
New York Jets
This should have been addressed above in the Bills section, but we're excluding the notorious Rex Ryan tattoo from contention for both the Bills and the Jets. Instead we're going to look at this Jets tattoo from a couple of years back. At first it seems like a simple skull and crossbones, but when you put it through a 2020 lens you see that this tattoo may have predicted COVID. Why else is the skull wearing a mask? Weeeeeeeird.
Why is the Raven wearing a hoodie? Why can we see the city of Baltimore in its eyes? Why does it have filigree all over its beak? Is it not even a Raven, but a plague doctor? There is so much going on here. But, at least, it's not a portrait of Ray Lewis in a bloody suit.
Holy shit, we have a winner. And I know how fucked up it sounds to be proclaiming anything related to the Bengals "a winner." But, my god. Look at this. They should tear down Mount Rushmore and replace it with this.
There were a ton of nominees here, including this Bernie Kosar tattoo that we love and hate simultaneously, but we had to go with the skeletal Brownie the Elf. Brownie, in his best form, is a little weird. In the skeletal form, he's downright terrifying. Why does he have ear bones? Look at those giant, bony ears! It's truly horrifying.
There are roughly 10 billion Steelers tattoos in the world, so it was hard to narrow it down to just one. Or, to be more correct, we thought it would be hard to narrow it down. Then we came across this one and knew that our search was over. How do you even explain this concept to the artist? And doesn't the presence of a six-shooter sort of make this a Cowboys tattoo?
Upon taking on this assignment I knew I'd see some weird tattoos, but I was never expecting "Bondage Bull." Did somebody approach the artist and say, "Hey, I'm really into BDSM and the Houston Texans, you got something for me?" Wow.
Gotta say, I've never seen the capital city of Indiana spelled as "India Napolis" before, but I'm here for it. The Colts have such an iconic logo, you think most folks would just go with the simplicity of that. But some people, the heroes, go all out. Thank you.
This tattoo has to belong to Jason Mendoza, right? There's no way that it doesn't, I don't care if he's a fictional character. Everything about this tattoo is perfect.
This guy decided he was going to try and predict the future. It did not work. The Jacksonville Jaguars won the AFC South in 2017. But if you don't succeed the first time...
...try, try again. This is a great way to cover-up the previous year's incorrect prediction. But, here's the thing. The Houston Texans won the AFC South in 2018. And 2019, but I don't think he tried to update that year. Now he'd have to really rework stuff. But you know, keep on Titan'n Up, bud.
I get the sentiment behind this—that they're such a rabid Broncos fan they bleed orange and blue. But in reality, it looks like there is some sort of infection oozing out from under the band-aid. Frankly, it makes me a little queasy. Ooof.
Kansas City Chiefs
This is the tattoo that inspired this entire article. When we saw this Mandalorian/Baby Yoda tribute to Andy Reid (who's looking quite svelte) and Pat Mahomes a couple of months back the entire office erupted in laughter. If you're going to get a ridiculous NFL tattoo, this is the way.
Las Vegas Raiders
We could easily do an entire article of badass Raiders tattoos. There are so many great black-and-grey Raiders pieces, but that's not why we're here. We're looking for weird. And it doesn't get much weirder than Howie Long hitting a kickflip.
Los Angeles Chargers
This was the toughest choice we've had to make. Just know that there is a tattoo of Antonio Gates as a Minion. But we had to give the nod to this extremely bitter "tribute" to the owner of the Chargers, Dean Spanos. The people of San Diego were not pleased when he moved their team and this is a perfect encapsulation of that emotion.
The Dallas Cowboys are America's Team—something every Cowboys fan will mention at least every six minutes—so we knew there were going to be a ton of Cowboys tattoos. This weird cat and this odd little fairy didn't even make the cut. May the Force be with this Ezekiel Elliott/Ewok tattoo.
New York Giants
Football is not just a physical game, it's also a mental one. This is why the Rubik's Cube is the most important part of the NFL Combine.
There are countless Eagles tattoos involving Eagles, but only one with a crab. There are so many questions raised by this tattoo, but the one that is really turning my brain in knots is this: why is this crab wearing a helmet when a crab's exoskelton is essentially one giant helmet?
The Washington Football Team
Given the previous moniker of this team, you're not going to be shocked to learn there are a ton of gross and racist tattoos celebrating this team. There's also this knuckle duster/straight razor/bloody teeth/Washington Football Team mash-up.
Here's the Beauty and the Beast/Chicago Bears mash-up you've been dreaming of! What in the world is dripping out of this mouth? Cheese? The ripped up pants of Aaron Rogers? Belle's dress? It's so nonsensical and beautiful. Bonus tip of the hat to Nick Sarich, who has done a pair of amazing Bears tattoos—one with a Chicago dog and one with deep dish.
Sadly, this is as weird as it got with Lions tattoos. Why go double lion here? It's already a lion, stick with that. Of course, this is the team so moribund it forced both Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson into early retirement, so were you really expecting something great here?
Green Bay Packers
"Sons of Anarchy" was a phenomenal TV show, but boy did it do a number on pop culture. There have been so many odd mash-ups involving the SAMCRO Reaper, this perhpas being the strangest.
A zombie Vikings fan sipping Tennents out of a beer helmet? Hell yes. The Scottish/Minnesotan alliance is quite strong. Apparently.
Given his fondness for jumping, I always imagined Tigger would be a Wisconsin Badgers fan. Here's one certainty—Tigger never would have given up a 28-3 lead to Pooh Bear in the Super Bowl.
With all of the panther tattoos in the world, there was a surprising lack of Panthers tattoos.It breaks my heart that we were unable to unearth a Sucky Panther in a Cam Newton jersey.
New Orleans Saints
This gator Drew Brees is infinitely cooler than the actual Drew Brees. Infinitely.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Team logo? Check. Skin rip? Check. Shitty reference to an overrated coach who won a Super Bowl with Marvin Lewis' team, but gets all the credit? Check and mate.
Football is hazardous enough, trying to play in pumps would be suicide. Yet, this seems like the most Arizona thing imaginable, right?
Los Angeles Rams
Is there any better metaphor for what football does to a player's brain than a smooshy avocado wearing a helmet?
San Francisco 49ers
Put this motherfucker in the Louvre. That's all we've got, we're too blown away by this.
Nothing to see here, just a standard old Seahawks Predator ripping the head off of a already skeletal 49er. No big deal. And like with almost all Seahawks tattoos, there's a reference to the idiotic, self-serving trope they stole from Texas A&M.
We did it! Who knows if the NFL will be able to finish their season this year, but we were able to finish our list of weird NFL tattoos. Got an off-kilter team tattoo of your own? Show us on social!